....

I am about to cry. I am about to scream. I want to die and be alone at last. I want to leave this stupid place. I hate it so much. Someone please save me.

   I am so tired of this, I am so tired of my family. I wish they weren't my family! Last night was the 4th of July, and I told you that I would write about your comments today. No one commented. Yesterday I brought Court with me to my families Independence Day party at my cousin Bonnie's house. We had a lot of fun, but Bonnie is a bitch. She yelled at me for throwing small fireworks at people, which I didn't do, and then Court was really upset near the end. She was on Bonnie's porch and was crying, I went over to her and tried to cheer her up. It took a while but finally I got her happy again, we were laughing and waiting for the fireworks to be over. Every time we got up to go see if it was over another firework went off. When they stopped coming we got off the porch and went over to see if we could help. People were already almost done, apparently they were cleaning things up even while they were lighting the fireworks. Bonnie walked over to me and told me that if I ever wanted to come back to her house for the 4th of July that I had to learn not to through fireworks at people and had to start cleaning up after myself. I hate her.
 
    And today, Court spent the night and she stayed up the whole time. I didn't get to sleep till' early in the morning. Then around 8 she woke me up and told me that we were going to go babysit for my cousin Zach. I was happy about it but she then told me we had to be there in 5 minutes. We left as fast as we could and we were late, Phil left as soon as we got there. We held Zach until he was fully awake, Lindy left soon after. We watched him and played with him and we watched some Netflix with him and he was really sweet and happy. Before we knew it Lindy had come back, she asked if we had fed Zach and I told her no, we didn't know what to feed him because there was a lot of food in the house and some of it I knew Zach would refuse to eat, I just didn't know what. She fed him some food and then she said she had to leave again. We watched Zach some more and he wasn't hungry at all, a few minutes later Lindy came back and got Zach dressed. I asked her if she was taking him somewhere and she told me she was taking him to his daycare, and that she couldn't leave him with me, that I couldn't just not feed him. Earlier when she was there my flip flop came apart and I had mentioned that I wouldn't be able to walk home with it. Anyway I walked into Zach's bedroom and told Lindy that if she was taking him to daycare then we had to go. We started walking back to my house and I was venting when it got worse. My flip flop came apart again, so I had to walk barefoot! It is really hot out today and the ground burns. I couldn't walk in the grass cus' it was full of stickers. When we got back to my house I had to go wash my feet, I had burned them on the ground. Lindy knew I couldn't walk home with my shoes on, she let us go anyways.

    I can't walk on my bare feet, I had to put thick socks on just to be able to walk around the carpeted house. My mom doesn't know anything that's been going on, she was already asleep last night, and she left this morning for work and still isn't home. I am so sick and tired of my family, I don't think of them as my family. Everything I try to do for them they throw back in my face. You know I shouldn't have watched Zach in the first place?! I am not an adult and I don't count as a supervisor when it comes to Lindy and Zach! I have been begging them for a job because I need money and I miss Zach. I am never babysitting for them again! I am not dealing with this shit coming from every side of the family!!!!!!!!

    I am not going to the family parties, I am not going to babysit anymore, I am not having them sleep over. I don't care whether my mother grounds me or not, I am not doing it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to grow up and turn 18, finish high school, and go to Coe college. That's all....is it too much to ask for to not have emotional scars from everyone I know??