I read a book.

I read a book today. I don't even remember the name of it, or who it was by. But it was such a sad book. And it was so well written, the emotions were so real and relatable, I teared up more than once. It was about a girl 'Lia' who was anorexic. She never actually uses that word in the book, not once. It is written from her point of view. Her best friend has just died, they were skinny sisters. They wanted to be the skinniest girls in school. They were, but at a high cost. Her friend Cassie was bulimic, though again, that word is never once mentioned. And Cassie died of an esophagus rupture. She puked so hard that her throat was torn open.
Lia blames herself for Cassie's death, like most people do. Except her reason was that Cassie had recently abandoned Lia, completely cut her out of her life, but the night she died, she called Lia 33 times. Lia beleives that if she had picked up the phone, Cassie would be alive. Lia always torments herself with calories, and insults. She knows the calories for everything she eats, everything she sees. And when insulting herself wasn't enough, she begins to see the ghost of Cassie calling her names, telling her all her worst fears, and saying that she loves her. That she wants Lia to join her side, because Lia is inbetween two worlds, alive and dead. Lia continues to lose weight, more and more. It's terrible to read how she torments her mind and body, to know how horribly sad she is. Every other sentences she crosses words out, things like 'mom', 'dad', 'I want to eat', 'it smells so good' and replaces them with 'Chloe', 'I'm not hungry', 'food is bad'.
It broke my heart a thousand times to read this book. I wanted so desperately for her to get better, for her to just listen to her mother and father, for her mother and father and stepmother to just listen to her. But in the end, I knew that it was something Lia had to figure out for herself. And she did. It took near death and a boy name Elijah for her to realize that the ghost of Cassie was just Cassie not wanting to be alone, Cassie was stuck inbetween, she couldn't really die, and she wanted to. Lia showed her how, then she brought herself back and let herself be helped.
It was amazing to read it. I loved this book. I'll probably never read it again, but I think I will remember it forever. I love my mother, she waited a little distance away from me while I finished the last of the book. We left the library 4 minutes before it closed. But my mom understood that I needed to finish this book now, not later at home, not tomorrow. I needed to get through it, I couldn't stop. I love that I have a mother who understands me so well.
 I probably won't feel this way tomorrow. These warm, clear emotions will be washed away by the routine of everyday life. But maybe in a couple months, I will look back, I will read this, and I will remember how much everything means to me. How much I am affected by everything, and how crisp, clear, and deep my emotions really do run.