New Blog

So if you read my blog religiously for the wonderful advice I give about life, you'll notice that I have a new blog. I am just telling you now, it's not for you guys to read. I made it for my cousin, she's 7 and loves to play school. I made it so she could have a "school website". Nothing real will be put on there, for her safety. So just pretend it doesn't exist. :D

Other than that, I accidently said the F word around my sister. She is always trying to get me to swear, and normally I don't, but I wasn't thinking today and I said it. I'm such an idiot. I've been swearing so much lately, I kind of disgust myself.

I don't look down on anyone who swears a lot, I just don't really like swearing, so normally I try not to. But I've been getting so lazy, swearing about the stupidest things. I don't want to, I would rather just not talk at all, but I feel like there's so much social pressure telling me to swear, and tricking my mind into thinking it's ok, I just can't make myself stop. Which is stupid, because I know that if I really tried to stop, I would. I'm not addicted to swearing. I normally only do it for extreme reasons, and I shouldn't even then.

My friends think that I don't swear enough, and seeing as I swear a lot, that tells you a lot about their vocabularies. I just want to stop. I don't need to swear, I only do it because other people do. I went 11 years without swearing, and I got on just fine. But then I got to middle school, and everyone did it, it was normal. So I went and started. And then I became perverted. I don't like that I've become this person that does things because it's the norm for everyone else. I remember when I would stick pencils in my braid, because I had nowhere else to put it, and I didn't care that people thought it was wierd. I remember when people would call me a bitch, a whore, and slut, and other rude things, and I would just smile at them and walk away. Now I talk back, now I get sarcastic and insult people when I think they can't hear me. I hate that.

I am stopping. Now. I can't keep doing that, I know it will come back to bite me one day. So I'm not going to do it. Cold Turkey. I'm ashamed of myself, I've become such a terribly mean person. I call people names, I make fun of them, I swear at my friends like it doesn't mean anything. I hate this about myself. So I won't do it anymore. I will be honest, and kind, and apologetic. I want to improve myself, and find the real me. After all, isn't that what high school is all about?